Last Chance
by blerggg
Summary: Severus Snape is a young teacher at Hogwarts, still grieving over the loss of Lily Potter. When he gets his last shot at love in the form of a certain Hufflepuff, will he take it? Will fate allow him to? This is my first fic! Please R&R!
1. Prologue: Green as Her Eyes

_Your Eyes (from the musical RENT)_

_Your Eyes, as we said our goodbyes_

_Can't get them out of my mind _

_And I find I can't hide_

_From your eyes _

_The ones that took me by surprise _

_The night you came into my life _

_Where there's moonlight, I see your eyes _

_How'd I let you slip away when I'm longing so,_

_To hold you?_

_Now I'd die for one more day _

_'Cause there's something I should've told you_

_Yes there's something I should've told you_

_When I looked into your eyes_

_Why does distance make us wise?_

_You were the song all along _

_And before the song dies _

_I should tell you, I should tell you_

_I have always loved you _

_You can see it in my eyes_

The Potions Master sat at his desk, examining the samples his 6th years had submitted for that day's lesson. The colors varied from sickly yellow to the correctly-brewed clear turquoise. He quickly separated the "Dreadfuls" and was left with a handful of Blissful Dream Potion samples in various shades of blue-green. Severus Snape's long fingers worked quickly through the samples, suddenly stopping at one bottle.

It held the exact same color of her eyes.

_Lily's eyes._

The sparkling green caught the torchlight as Severus held up the vial. How long had it been since that green had brightened at seeing him? Lily Evans - _no_, he told himself, Lily _Potter_ - had been dead for two years now, and it had been even longer since she had ever been genuinely happy to see him, her eyes sparkling in the exact same shade of green he held in his hand. Severus let out a deep sigh, looked at the vial, and marked Sapphire Lazarus as "Exceeds Expectations"

Sapphire Lazarus… That would be the one in Hufflepuff then, with all those sisters and cousins in Gryffindor.

He finished grading all the amples, and retired to his chambers. He lay on his bed and thought of Lily Potter, like he did every night before he went to sleep. Her dead, blank eyes staring unblinkingly at him, the night he had followed Lord Voldemort, without him knowing, to Godric's Hollow.

Her son would be four now.

Would his eyes be like hers, as Dumbledore had said?

Severus himself had had no eyes for the child that tragic night; it was all he could do to hold himself together. It was as if nothing was holding him to the earth, as if every particle of his body was struggling to break free from each other.

It still hurt every time he thought of her.

Dumbledore had said he would get better, that time heals all wounds.

He had been wrong.

Severus knew that he would love no other as he had loved Lily Potter. His heart was not capable of loving like that anymore. He was, however, able to function socially now. His first year teaching at Hogwarts, right after Lily had died, he refused to speak to anyone other than in his lessons and his occasional meetings with Dumbledore. The students feared him, and even the teachers thought he was strange. Now at least he was able to carry on a short conversation with a human being, and Dumbledore, though he never told Severus, saw this as progress.

Severus reached for his nightly dose of sleeping potion, took a sip, and dropped into a dreamless sleep.


	2. Chapter 1: That Word

The next day in the Great Hall was the same as any other morning. Professor McGonagall with her oatmeal, reading the Daily Prophet. Dumbledore giving him a quick, appraising look that conveyed both concern and relief at the same time. He looked away just as quickly, even though they both knew the other was aware. Severus said hello to the other teachers and took his seat. The teachers were chatting cheerfully with each other, occasionally calling out to Professor McGonagall or Dumbledore. Severus looked at his usual breakfast of buttered toast and tea, and started to eat.

BANG.

Severus was the closest to the doors, as he always sat at the end of the teachers' table by himself. He walked to the corridor outside the Hall.

A duel had broken out.

"Apologize!" A seventh-year Gryffindor girl shrieked. A boy, with his back to Severus, was on the ground, apparently blown away by the girl's spell. He scrambled to his feet, and raised his wand.

Severus was two beats quicker.

"Expelliarmus," he said, almost lazily.

His Disarming Spell was so strong that even the Gryffindor's wand soared towards him. He caught both wands. The boy turned around, and he was disappointed – but not surprised – to see a boy from his own house, Delphinus Malfoy. He was the young cousin of Lucius Malfoy, Severus's childhood friend. Severus tossed both wands to a nearby student and strode over to Delphinus. He towered over the boy, even though Delphinus was tall, like the rest of the Malfoys.

"Explain."

"Lazarus attacked me, sir-"

Something lurched in Severus's stomach.

"Malfoy insulted my sister!" Ruby Lazarus shouted.

Three Gryffindors with blond hair were comforting a shocked-looking Hufflepuff. The younger girl was Pearl, Sapphire and Ruby's sister in fourth year. The two boys were Julian and Marcus, the girls' cousins.

"Oh come off it, you must have noticed, unless you're all as thick as her. She doesn't look like you lot, does she? I only stated that no one knows where she comes from. She might even be a Mud-"

One of the Gryffindor boys around the Hufflepuff girl yelled, "You shut up about my cousin!"

The Slytherins hissed at the Lazarus boy. Severus cleared his throat dangerously.

The corridor fell silent.

"Ten points each from Gryffindor and Slytherin. Detention to Miss Lazarus and Mr. Lazarus for using magic out of class and foul language. Be at my office at 7 o'clock on Friday. Mr. Malfoy, a word. The rest of you, I strongly suggest you go back to your breakfast."

The hallway cleared in seconds. Delphinus grinned at him, apparently pleased with himself that he had escaped detention. When he saw Severus's face, however, his grin slid off his face.

"As the new Head of Slytherin House, Mr. Malfoy, I expect my students to show superiority in every aspect. This not only applies to class subjects, but every other facet of Hogwarts life. If I ever see a Slytherin student in a fight that is not completely justifiable, I shall be _very_ disappointed. Do I make myself clear, Mr. Malfoy?"

Delphinus gulped.

"Yes, sir."

"Very well, let us both return to breakfast."

Severus gave Delphinus a head start, as to hide how shaken he was about what had happened. It had reminded him of what had happened when he himself had called a girl that word, and how sorry he had been for it.

Delphinus resumed his swagger inside the Great Hall, so that no one would know he had been told off. Dumbledore, however, eyed the boy surreptitiously, his gaze traveling to Severus.

Later that day in the Gryffindor common room, the four Gryffindors were outraged at what had happened that morning.

"Why didn't Malfoy get detention, eh?" Ruby Lazarus shouted.

"Because Snape is and unfair git," said Julian.

"It was worth it to hex Malfoy, you saw Saph's face, she was heartbroken."

"Do you think it's true, though? That she's… I mean, I don't know about being Muggle-born, but maybe she is… adopted? She could be, right? We've all got blond hair and she's a brunette. And we lot are in Gryffindor and she's in Hufflepuff."

"I don't know, I mean, your mum and dad would have told us, right?" whispered Marcus, looking at Pearl and Ruby. "We wouldn't have treated her any differently."

"Mum doesn't like to talk about it," said Pearl. "She always says her Uncle Flavius had brown hair, that Saph looks exactly like him. Then she changes the subject real quick."

"Yeah, we've all heard about this Uncle Flavius, but when has anyone seen him, or proof that he even existed?"

"Julian, stop it." Ruby said. "It doesn't matter."

"Yeah," Marcus agreed. "I wonder how Saph is though, she wouldn't come out of the Hufflepuff common room."

Sapphire, however, was not in the Hufflepuff common room. She had slipped out after her sisters and cousins had gone back to Gryffindor Tower, and was now heading towards the grounds.

Incidentally, so was Severus Snape.


	3. Chapter 2: The Whomping Willow

_"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear."_

_- Ambrose Redmoon_

* * *

><p>When Severus reached his favorite tree near the lake, he was surprised to find that someone was already there. It was the Hufflepuff with brown hair, the one Delphinus Malfoy had accused of being Muggle-born. She was sitting on the ground, gazing at the Whomping Willow, which was now calm in the absence of any disturbance.<p>

"Hello, professor," Sapphire looked up at the Potions Master and smiled.

He stood there, frozen to the ground. What should he do?

"Miss Lazarus," he nodded. He turned to leave.

"Please, sir, don't mind me. I know you come here often. I can leave if you'd like."

Severus looked at the girl. No matter what anyone said, Severus Snape was a good teacher. His natural disposition and broken heart prevented him from being likable to most, and he was never a sparkling conversationalist. He didn't make it easy for students – or anyone else, for that matter – to open up to him, but he genuinely cared about his pupils. He knew the girl was hurting.

Lily had been too, the day he made that irreversible mistake.

_She would have wanted me to help her._

"You may stay."

Severus sat on the ground next to Sapphire.

"I love it here. The view of the lake is the best from here, it's not too close to the castle, but not too far away either."

Severus didn't know what to say.

"And it's as close as you can get to the Whomping Willow without setting it off," she said admiringly.

Of course, she had grown up in a house full of Gryffindors. She must be just as foolish as the rest of them. Stupid child, she didn't know why it was planted, or what it was capable of. Just like her family, she probably saw it as a joke, an adventure.

"You enjoy the Whomping Willow." Severus said, almost accusingly.

"I love it. Look, it's so graceful." Sapphire replied, not realizing Severus's tone. "If it's left alone, like now, it'll just sway in the wind like nothing on earth is the matter. But my favorite thing about the tree is that it will literally destroy anything that tries to harm what it loves. It's… protective."

Severus's eyes widened in alarm, but the girl was still gazing at the tree, and did not see.

Did she know how close she had come to the truth? How did she know that the tree was concealing something more than met the eye?

Severus thought about the day he learned the Whomping Willow's secret.

How he had almost died. How he would have died if it hadn't been for _him_.

"Professor, if you don't mind me asking, why did you start teaching at Hogwarts?"

Severus was so surprised at this question that he stared at the girl, dumbstruck.

"I'm sorry, it's just that… I remember when you came to Hogwarts, I was in fourth year. You-Know-Who had fallen, and everyone was saying that…"

Snape rose to his feet. "That is quite enough, Miss Lazarus. Ten points from Hufflepuff for unbelievable impertinence."

"I'm sorry, professor, I didn't mean… I only wanted to ask…" Sapphire rose as well, blinking away the tears in her eyes. Then her face suddenly became resolute.

"Do you think he'll come back?"

_Why was she asking these questions?_

"Opinions… vary." Severus said carefully.

"My parents are pureblood," she continued. "They're purebloods and Gryffindors, but they were still scared of him." She smiled, but something was off. Was it sadness?

"But they told me, some things are more important than being afraid."

"Unlike a Gryffindor to acknowledge the existence of fear, but wiser nonetheless."

Sapphire broke into a grin. "That's the longest sentence you've ever said to me, professor."

Severus raised an eyebrow. "I suggest you get back to your room, it is getting late."

"Yes, professor. Thank you for sitting with me." And Sapphire walked toward the castle. Her brown hair shone in the autumn sunset, and Severus could see flecks of red in her hair.

He knew, on some level, that the Dark Lord would return.

His Dark Mark was still etched on his arm as vividly as the day he received it, although it no longer burned.

_My parents are pure-blood, _she had said, like she herself was not…

Severus Snape watched the girl walk away, but he did not realize that someone was watching him.


	4. Chapter 3: Albus Dumbledore

There was a knock at the headmaster's door, and Albus Dumbledore looked back from the window. He returned to his desk and replied, "Please come in."

It was Professor McGonagall, back from her visit to Privet Drive. She occasionally Apparated to the Muggle neighborhood Harry Potter was being raised in, and took to her cat form to check on the boy.

"So how is Harry?" Dumbledore asked.

"Oh Albus, they're being absolutely dreadful to him. You should have seen the Muggle boy, he was sitting on Harry, because he had accidentally broken one of his toys. He turned blue before the aunt would pull the brute off him."

"They are only four, my dear."

"Oh looking at the Muggle boy, I'd say he was about six. He's easily twice the size of Harry."

"But otherwise you saw him in no serious harm?"

"Other than being squashed by his whale of a cousin, no, no serious harm at all. Dumbledore, seriously, must he be raised in that house?"

"I have told you, Minerva, I have my reasons for the boy staying with his aunt and uncle."

"Yes, of course. I'll be off then. Good night, Albus."

"Good night, Minerva."

After Professor McGonagall left his office, Dumbledore walked to his cabinet and drew out his Pensieve. He withdrew his memories, poured it into the dish, and poked the contents with his wand. Severus Snape looked up at him, his face in agony and tears streaming down his face.

"Save her. Save the child, if you must. Just save her… Please, I beg you…"

An echo of his own voice. "And what will you give me in return?"

"Anything."

Dumbledore kept re-watching Snape's oath.

Anything… Anything… Anything…

_Anything_ was much too great a thing for a young man to promise at twenty-one, but Dumbledore was counting on it.


	5. Chapter 4: Pity the Living

_The Beatles – I Want to Hold Your Hand_

_(Usually I prefer the Beatles version, but this chapter was inspired by the Chris Colfer version he sang on Glee; the vulnerability in his voice is just perfect for this.)_

_Oh yeah, I'll tell you something _

_I think you'll understand _

_When I say that something _

_I wanna hold your hand _

_I wanna hold your hand _

_I wanna hold your hand _

_Oh, please, say to me _

_You'll let me be your man _

_and please, say to me _

_You'll let me hold your hand _

_Now let me hold your hand _

_I wanna hold your hand _

_And when I touch you I feel happy inside _

_It's such a feeling _

_That my love _

_I can't hide _

_I can't hide _

_I can't hide _

_Yeah you got that something _

_I think you'll understand _

_When I say that something _

_I wanna hold your hand _

_I wanna hold your hand _

_I wanna hold your hand _

_And when I touch you I feel happy inside _

_It's such a feeling _

_That my love _

_I can't hide _

_I can't hide _

_I can't hide _

_Yeah you, got that something _

_I think you'll understand _

_When I say that something _

_I wanna hold your hand _

_I wanna hold your hand _

_I wanna hold your hand _

_I wanna hold your hand_

* * *

><p>Severus Snape woke with a start.<p>

He had dreamed of Lily Potter.

He reached for his sleeping potion to make sure. It was his weekly ritual to brew a potion for a dreamless sleep; he had been taking it for two years now, he never dreamt. It was the only way to get through the night, without dreaming of Lily.

But that night he had.

Was he becoming resistant to the potion?

Severus sat up in his bed, and tears sprang from his eyes before he could stop himself.

He felt like his entire being was being ripped apart; he writhed in agony, gripping onto his sheets.

_I promised myself I wouldn't cry over you anymore, do you know how many tears I wept for you?_

_Did you even care? You went and chose him, you never cared about me._

_I would have done _anything_ to protect you, but you gave your life away, for the boy._

_The boy that has _his_ face, _his_ hair._

_It's not fair. Why do you get to be with him for all of eternity, while I suffer alone?_

_It's not fair, it's not fair…_

_When I'm awake, I can't help thinking of you; the least you could do is stay out of my dreams._

_It's not fair…_

Sleep was not going to come tonight.

Severus got up, dressed, and went to his office.

_Fine, then, if you won't stay out of my dreams…_

He walked through his cabinet, looking for ingredients.

After he carefully picked out things he thought might work, Severus sat at his desk and started brainstorming. Making new potions had always helped him keep his mind off things he didn't want to think about. This one would be the most difficult potion he would ever invent.

The next morning, Severus Snape walked to the Great Hall in a bad mood.

He was tired from lack of sleep, irritated (even more so than usual) at the students' lively chatter, and most of all, frustrated that he hadn't got the potion right.

He sat at his usual seat without even making eye contact with Dumbledore, and everyone was wise enough not to ask him what was wrong.

Severus had no class that morning, so he worked on his potion for hours, skipping lunch.

His black eyes sparkled in concentration, but his brows were still furrowed in frustration.

Why wouldn't it work?

The potion that, from his calculations should have turned wispy white, was still refusing to change color, staying a dirty mauve.

He was still engrossed over his cauldron and his notes when there was a knock at his door.

Severus snapped back into reality, and grumpily said, "Enter."

Sapphire Lazarus opened the door, and hesitantly stepped into his office.

"Um, sorry, professor, but the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws were wondering where you were, our class started fifteen minutes ago."

Startled, Severus looked at the clock. She was right.

"It seems I had lost track of time. Please inform your classmates I will be with you shortly."

"Are you all right professor?" Sapphire asked concernedly.

"Quite all right, Miss Lazarus. Off you go."

After smiling at him hesitantly, she left his office.

Severus cleared away his things with a wave of his wand, and on his way out, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. His face was paler than usual, and there were dark circles under his bloodshot eyes.

_A ghost of a man, at twenty-three._


	6. Chapter 5: Then Came the Winter

Severus did not know where the next few weeks went.

He did not – _could _not – sleep for more than a couple of hours, and he rarely ate.

He was more careful not to forget about teaching, but all of his time that wasn't spent preparing for his lessons was spent on perfecting the new potion he was inventing.

He only realized how much time had passed when, after a particularly infuriating Saturday morning, he went for a walk to his tree, and was shocked by the cold winter wind. Spending all his days and nights near the cauldron fire, Severus had not realized how cold it had become.

His tree was deserted today. He leaned against it, slightly shivering in the wind. He watched the students run in the grounds, their cheeks red from the cold. He could hear laughter coming from Hagrid's cabin. The Whomping Willow lazily swatted away a foolish bird. As he watched the surprised bird fly away, he heard someone say, "I thought I'd find you here, professor."

It was Sapphire, heavily wrapped in a cloak, a scarf, and wearing a ridiculous yellow hat with a stuffed badger.

She was holding a rather large gift-wrapped box in her hands.

"I went to your office, but you weren't there. It's the last weekend before the holidays, and I wanted to…" She held out the box. "Merry Christmas, sir."

Severus just looked at it. He didn't know what to do. No one had ever given him a present before.

"Um, I didn't get you anything."

"It's all right, I don't think you even knew it was the holidays, did you?"

"No, I hadn't even noticed the seasons had changed, actually." Severus admitted.

"Well, open it." She urged.

His fingers numb from the cold, he clumsily ripped away the wrapping paper.

It was a box of Chocolate Frogs.

Sapphire laughed. "They say chocolate makes you happy. I certainly hope they're right."

She took one, and before it could get away, snapped the head off a frog. She put the head in her mouth, and offered the body to him. Severus took it, and still not completely sure of himself, ate the chocolate. The sugar rushed through him, more sustenance than he had had in days.

"Professor, aren't you freezing?" She asked.

And so he was. He hadn't been dressed for winter, and had been standing out in the cold for the better part of an hour.

"Do you want my hat? It's quite warm."

"No, thank you." Severus hated to think what he would look like with a stuffed animal on his head.

"Well, can we go back to the castle then? I'm getting cold just looking at you." She gave an overdramatic shudder.

"Very well."

They walked in silence for a while.

Then came a comical sneeze.

"Achoo!"

It was Severus.

The sound contrasted so drastically with his face that Sapphire burst into laughter.

She doubled over, staggering away, waving her hands at him.

"I'm…sorry…I'm not…laughing…at you…professor…"

Sapphire walked back towards him, her entire face pink.

"You'll catch your death, professor, just take the hat."

She took off her hat, stood on her toes, and forced the hat on Severus's head.

It was hilariously hideous, but Sapphire examined him seriously.

"That's better." She said. Her long brown hair blew in the wind, and Severus caught a scent of flowers.

Despite himself he gave the girl a soft smile, and the pair resumed walking.

Before they got to the castle, however, Severus spotted the headmaster standing at the doorway. When they reached him, Dumbledore looked from Severus to Sapphire, and greeted her first.

"Hello, Miss Lazarus. Am I correct in presuming that the magnificent hat Professor Snape is wearing belongs to you?"

"Yes, Professor Dumbledore."

At that, Severus tore the hat off his head, and returned it to Sapphire.

"Headmaster, did you wish to speak to me?" Severus asked.

"No, Severus, I was just admiring the sunset. As long as I have been at Hogwarts, I still marvel at the wonder of a Hogwarts sunset."

Severus bowed, and turned to leave, when Dumbledore called him back.

"Oh, Severus?"

"Yes, headmaster?"

"I must invite you, as I do every year, to the Christmas feast next week."

"And as I do every year, headmaster, I must decline."

"Pity… So many students are staying for the holidays this year, so Professor Flitwick decided to host a party. I do think it will be wonderful. Very well then, you are always welcome should you change your mind. The party will be in the Great Hall."

"Thank you, headmaster." He bowed again and left. Sapphire smiled at Dumbledore and followed Severus.

"Why aren't you going to the party, professor?" She asked.

"As always, Miss Lazarus, you are verging recklessly on impertinence." Severus replied.

"I'm sorry, sir." She said, completely unfazed.

They reached the top of the stairs down to the dungeons.

Severus looked at Sapphire. He wanted to thank her for the present, but he didn't know how.

"Professor, with risk of 'verging recklessly on impertinence,' can I ask you something?" She asked, in an uncanny impression of the Potions master.

"All right." Severus replied, reluctantly.

"Can I see the potion you've been working on?"


	7. Chapter 6: Thinking of You

_It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live._

_- J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone_

(Also, there is another line from Sorcerer's Stone hidden in this chapter - See if you can find it!)

* * *

><p>As Severus opened the door to his office, he still did not realize why he had said yes to the girl's request. Even Dumbledore did not know what he was working on. He doubted Dumbledore knew he was working on a new potion at all.<p>

They came to a stop at his working station. His desk was scattered with ingredient wrappers and bits of parchment he had scribbled on. The cauldron was simmering, just as he had left it.

"How did you know I was working on a new potion?" He asked her.

"Well, the last time I came to get you from your office, I didn't recognize the potion you were working on, and I've finished my N.E.W.T. preparation on potions. So I knew whatever you were working on wouldn't be taught at school. I also noticed that you were frustrated ever since than day, so I thought it had something to do with that potion." She said.

Severus's eyes widened in surprise. Not only was he unaware that she was paying him any notice, no one had ever paid this much attention to him.

"So, what's it supposed to do?" She asked quietly.

"Are you familiar with the Mirror of Erised?" Severus asked her.

"No."

"It is one of the rarest magical objects in the world; the Mirror of Erised shows you not your reflection, but your heart's deepest desires."

"And what does this have to do with the potion?"

"I intend to make a sleeping potion with the same qualities as the Mirror of Erised; that is, it will allow you to dream about what you desire."

Severus thought this was rather impressive and looked at the girl expectantly.

Sapphire, however, looked wary.

"That's a very dangerous potion, isn't it, though?"

"If brewed correctly, it will have no side effects whatsoever-"

"No, I don't mean that it will be physically unhealthy, but – professor, aren't you worried? It'll be incredibly addictive."

"Even the simplest hiccupping potion can be deadly if made incorrectly; potion-makers are not responsible for what fools do with their creations." Severus defended himself, getting agitated.

Sapphire eyed the potion cautiously. "I guess." She said.

"Professor, I don't know if you remember, but in our first day of class, you said that you could tell what kind of person someone was by looking at their potion. Do you really think so?"

_This girl was the most random person he had ever met._

"Well, yes. Every branch of magic reflects the witch or wizard, but the subtle science and exact art of potion-making is especially accurate in it. You can tell their temperament, and even their weaknesses."

"I see. Thank you for showing me your potion, professor."

Sapphire smiled, and left his office.

After a couple more days with the potion, Severus made little progress. Although many students were gone for the holidays, just as many had stayed, as Dumbledore said.

On Christmas Eve, sitting with her family, Sapphire thought of her Potions Master, sitting alone in his dungeon. Julian and Marcus, whose parents had gone on a cruise and left them with their aunt and uncle, were helping Pearl decorate the tree. Mrs. Lazarus cooking in the kitchen, singing along to Celestina Warbeck. Mr. Lazarus was reading a book aloud to them by the fire, although no one but Ruby was actually listening.

Sapphire stood up, and announced, "I'm going back to Hogwarts."


	8. Chapter 7: I Missed You

Mr. Lazarus stopped reading, and the kids all stared.

"What are you talking about?" Julian asked.

"Christmas is for family, you know that, sweetheart." Mrs. Lazarus said, who had come out of the kitchen looking startled. "Anyway, How on earth will you get there?"

"Floo powder, of course, it's freezing out."

"Why are you going back anyway?" Pearl asked suspiciously.

"Anyone who's serious about the N.E.W.T.s next year stayed. I came because I know how important Christmas is in our family, but I can't relax, I keep thinking of everyone studying while I lag behind."

"Um, I'm taking the tests this year and I came home for Christmas." Ruby pointed out.

"That's because you're at the top of your class; not everyone is born brilliant, are they? Thanks for rubbing that in my face, sis."

"Saffy, you're being ridiculous. It's Christmas Eve, you can't just leave." said Marcus.

"And you didn't sign up to stay, so there." his brother chimed in.

"Oh, I don't see Professor Sprout fussing about that, do you?"

"Let her go." Mr. Lazarus said. "Is this what you want, Sapphire?"

"Yes."

"Then everyone, just let her do what she wants."

"Oh, thank you, Dad." Sapphire put her arms around her father.

Moments later, Sapphire was coming down the stairs fully packed. She hugged everyone as she made her way to the fireplace

"Your presents are under the tree, the guys can bring mine when they come back to school."

And after giving her father another hug, she threw a pinch of Floo Powder into the fire, stepped in, and said, "Hogwarts!" After seconds, she stepped out into the Hufflepuff common room. She dashed to her four-poster and tossed all her luggage on the bed.

As she walked to the dungeons, she saw Albus Dumbledore.

"Ah, Miss Lazarus."

"Hello, headmaster."

"I thought you were visiting your parents for the holidays?"

"I was, but I decided to come back. Is that all right, sir? I mean, I didn't sign up or anything so-"

"Quite all right, my dear. I'll just tell Professor Flitwick to expect one more for the party tomorrow. That is, if you'll join us?"

"Um, I don't think so, but thank you."

"Very well. Good evening."

"Bye."

Sapphire made her way to Severus's office, and knocked. No one answered. She turned the handle and saw that it was unlocked. She opened the door, and saw Severus sitting by the fire, immersed in thought. He hadn't even heard her open the door.

"Hello, professor." She said from the doorway.

Startled, Severus jumped out of his chair.

"I was under the impression you were spending the holidays with your family." He said quietly.

She stepped inside.

"I was, but…" She thought for a second. Why did she have to ruch back to Hogwarts?

"I missed you." She said determinedly.

"I thought of you sitting all alone in this office and… I know you think I'm kind of annoying, but I like you, professor, I really do. You're a good teacher, and you care, even though you try to hide it. We don't have to talk. I just want sit here with you. Is that okay?"

Severus sat back down without saying anything.

Sapphire sat on the floor, putting her head next to his lap.

Severus conjured a comforter for Sapphire, and they sat like that for hours.

He looked down at the brown head next to his lap, still thinking. The fire cast flecks of red on her hair.

_Do I owe them anything? My word, I gave._

_But my heart?_

Sapphire was the first to fall asleep. As the fire died down, Severus no longer saw red in her mahogany hair.

"Thank you for thinking of me," he whispered.

And soon after, for the first time since he could remember, Severus slept through the night, without potions or nightmares.


	9. Chapter 8: All I Need

_Within Tempation - All I Need_

_I'm dying to catch my breath_

_Oh why don't I ever learn?_

_I've lost all my trust,_

_though I've surely tried to turn it around_

_Can you still see the heart of me?_

_All my agony fades away_

_when you hold me in your embrace_

_Don't tear me down for all I need_

_Make my heart a better place_

_Give me something I can believe_

_Don't tear me down_

_You've opened the door now, don't let it close_

_I'm here on the edge again_

_I wish I could let it go_

_I know that I'm only one step away_

_from turning it around_

_Can you still see the heart of me?_

_All my agony fades away_

_when you hold me in your embrace_

_Don't tear me down for all I need_

_Make my heart a better place_

_Give me something I can believe_

_Don't tear it down, what's left of me_

_Make my heart a better place_

_I tried many times but nothing was real_

_Make it fade away, don't break me down_

_I want to believe that this is for real_

_Save me from my fear_

_Don't tear me down_

_Don't tear me down for all I need_

_Make my heart a better place_

_Don't tear me down for all I need_

_Make my heart a better place_

_Give me something I can believe_

_Don't tear it down, what's left of me_

_Make my heart a better place_

_Make my heart a better place_

* * *

><p>The next day when they awoke, Severus's legs were both asleep, and Sapphire had a stiff neck. In the harsh light of the morning, Severus didn't feel nearly as comfortable as he did the night before. Sapphire, however, stood up, massaging her neck, and broke into a brilliant smile.<p>

"Merry Christmas, Professor." She said.

Seeing her smile made Severus relax a bit, but not by much.

"Last night was, well…" He started to say. What _was_ last night?

"We didn't do anything." Sapphire pointed out, sensing his unease.

"Yes, but still, it was inappropriate. I'm your teacher, for god's sake-"

"Stop making excuses," Sapphire said, very quietly. "You're running away because you know what you felt last night was real."

Severus didn't know what to say.

"I like you," she continued. "You know that. You're my teacher, yes, but I'm not asking you for anything. Nothing has to happen between us, we can wait until I leave school, if that's what's really bothering you. But I don't think it is."

"I'm too old for you," Severus whispered, grasping at straws.

"You're only six years older than I am, that's not very much."

"You are a _child_, if you think this can happen." He spat, steeling himself. "I will not make you happy. I have no idea what possessed you to think otherwise, but I am not a man you should have feelings for."

"Stop it! You care about others, even if you try to hide it. You are _brilliant_, and considerate, and I know you are capable of love! I know someone's hurt you before; I see it in your eyes. But that doesn't mean you don't deserve to be loved!" Sapphire walked over to him, grabbing him by the front of his robes. She pulled him closer, "You are a _good_ man, Severus. You deserve to be loved. I see that, why can't you?" Tears were streaming down her face. She closed her eyes.

Severus tried to step away, but she held on.

"This is _not_ a schoolgirl crush. I _care_ about you. I care. I will _always_ care about you."

And with that, Severus closed the distance between them, burying his face in her shoulders. She stood there, with the tall man in her arms holding on to her as if he would fall apart without her. He smelled like peppermint.

* * *

><p>They spent the entire day together, just talking to each other. They sat on the floor, eating food that Severus conjured from nowhere. They talked about everything, from classes, to books, music, even Quidditch. It seemed they could talk forever about anything, when Sapphire blurted out,<p>

"I'm adopted."

She held Severus's hand in hers, and continued.

"And Muggle-born. My birth parents abandoned me when I was a baby. They thought I was a monster, because I was a Metamorphmagus."

Severus gasped. "I didn't know."

"I don't like to use it." She shrugged. "It does come in handy sometimes. But when I was a baby, I couldn't control it. My dad told me, when I cried, by hair used to turn blue." She chuckled. "So they took me into the forest, but my mum and dad heard them talking about how they had to get rid of the devil. They followed, and when we were alone, they brought me home."

She gazed into the distance.

"They told me this the night I got my Hogwarts letter. You-Know-Who was growing stronger, and they thought I should know, so that I would be careful. I think it was better that way, that I knew the truth. I've had to hide that from everyone, even my own sisters, but I know it was for my own safety." She took a deep breath, and continued. "They told me to be safe, and that they loved me. I never got into any real trouble, but I know they sacrificed a lot for me. If they'd been caught… But it's been two years since You-Know-Who fell, and I'm tired of lying to everyone."

She looked back at Severus. "But I'm scared that they'll treat me differently."

"They'll love you just the same," Severus assured her. "Gryffindors aren't known for favoring pure-bloods, at any rate."

"Do you think it makes a difference, being Muggle-born?" Sapphire whispered.

Severus hesitated, and he gave the same reply as he gave when he was asked that question so many years ago.

"No, it doesn't make any difference."

Sapphire smiled at him.

Severus looked deep into her eyes, and began to tell his story.


	10. Chapter 9: Be Here

Author's Note: Before we start, I'd like to apologize for not updating; my laptop was broken. Also, I never included a disclaimer when I started. (Did I mention this is my first ever fanfic? Yeah, I'm a noob.) Do I have to put one? Obviously, it goes without saying that J. K. Rowling is a genius and owns everything but the OCs and the plot. Without further ado, here is chapter 9.

* * *

><p>"They told me he has her eyes." Severus said, finishing his story. Sapphire wiped the tears from her eyes. She hugged him, and as Severus inhaled her flowery perfume something warm radiated from his chest. Sapphire whispered in his ear, "You are the greatest man I have ever known."<p>

She leaned in closer to kiss his cheek at the same time Severus turned his head towards her. For a second their lips met, and both of them were too surprised to do anything. Then they jumped up in alarm, muttering incoherent apologies.

"I'm so sorry…"

"I didn't mean to…"

They smiled sheepishly at each other, lost for words for the first time in hours. In the silence, they could hear music coming from the Great Hall. It was a slow but cheerful song, perfect for Christmas, and Sapphire bowed.

"May I have this dance?"

Severus chuckled. "I believe the man asks the lady to dance." But he walked over to her and took her had anyway. Sapphire put her other hand on this shoulder, and Severus carefully put his on her waist. They started swaying in time to the music, never taking their eyes off each other.

"Professor Flitwick has good taste in music," Sapphire said, making conversation.

"Yes." Severus replied.

They fell back into silence, but it wasn't uncomfortable or awkward. Sapphire looked happy, but sadness crept to her eyes as she thought about Severus's story. Severus, on the other hand, tried not to keep looking at her lips, but failed miserably. His heart beat a little faster every time he looked at them, but Sapphire, immersed in thought, did not notice.

"Can you do me a favor?" Sapphire suddenly asked.

"It depends on what it is," he replied warily.

"I want you to stop making that potion. The one that will make you dream of your deepest desires."

Severus stopped dead.

"Why?" He asked hesitantly.

"It's dangerous." Sapphire said, choosing her next words carefully. "You'll become lost in your dreams and lose grip on reality."

"How do you know I'll take it?" He asked, defensively.

"How could you resist? You could live in your dreams and have what you wanted your whole life. If I had a potion that could make me dream of…" She trailed off, but came back to her argument. "The point is, you and I both know you'll take it! And once you do, it'll be impossible to stop! But it won't be real. Every time you wake up, you'll be miserable. Reality can never match up to our dreams, but that doesn't mean it's not worth living!" She said, growing more passionate. "Stop running. From your past, from reality; stop running, and just _be here._"

Her cheeks were flushed. Her voice was shaky.

"I…" Severus started to say, his voice just as unsteady.


	11. Chapter 10: Nightmares

"I..." he tried again, but nothing came out.

It was amazing how this girl cut through all the crap, and go straight to the heart of things.

"I can't sleep without sleeping potions, and normal brews won't work on me anymore. If I don't take anything, I have horrible nightmares of… _that night_. " Severus said, almost pleading.

"You have had the hardest life imaginable. But that doesn't absolve you of your actions, or excuse you from living your life." Sapphire said, her brown eyes still blazing.

"_I don't need your permission!_" He shouted. "I am a professor, damnit! You have no right to judge me or tell me what to do!"

"You might be a professor, but you are an _idiot_ if you don't see that that potion will _destroy_ you!" She yelled back, and Severus exploded.

"FIFTY POINTS FROM HUFFLEPUFF!" He roared. "GET OUT OF MY OFFICE AT ONCE, LAZARUS, BEFORE I MAKE IT SIXTY!"

Sapphire was shocked at the hostility. Severus Snape was strict, yes, he might even be harsh at times, but she had never seen him so full of hate.

She turned around to leave. As she walked away from him, Severus felt an odd sensation in his chest.

"Oh, before I go, _professor_," she said, scathingly, "did you have a nightmare last night?"

With that, she walked out, and slammed the door shut. The dungeons rang with the sound, and Severus was glued to his spot, stunned.

_How did she know?_

Even he had forgotten about it in the heat of the argument. But it was true; he had not had a nightmare last night.

Sapphire walked up from the dungeons to the Hufflepuff dormitory. Tears sprang from her eyes, and she wiped them away angrily. As she neared the Great Hall, she heard the sound of music and laughter coming from the party. She turned away quickly, so that she wouldn't have to talk to anyone. Luckily, everyone was having too much fun to notice her, and she arrived at the Hufflepuff dormitory alone. She put her abandoned luggage away, changed into her pajamas, and got into her four-poster bed. She lay awake, staring at the ceiling. It took hours for her anger to fade away, but when it did, she felt sorry for Severus. Only a few years older than her, yet he had been through so much…

But she had to stop him. He was too good a man to be lost to his own demons.

Meanwhile, Severus sat at his desk, looking at the mess. His cauldron still contained the potion, which had turned lighter, but still refused to turn white. He thought about his nightmares, Lily, the Potter boy, everything Sapphire had said, his feelings towards her, the things that could happen if he actually finished and took the potion, what would happen if he didn't…

Everything became a blur, until he couldn't take it anymore.

He stood up, pointed his wand at the cauldron, and said, "Evanesco."

The contents of the cauldron vanished. Severus picked up everything that was scattered on his desk, and threw the lot into the dying fire. The fire grew quickly, consuming all his notes and calculations, everything he had been working on for the past several months.

He turned, and saw the comforter he had conjured for Sapphire the night before. He picked it up, and smelled her flowery scent still on it. Instead of vanishing it, he carried it to his room and laid it upon his bed. He slept that night smelling her scent, and for the second time, had a peaceful sleep.


	12. Chapter 11: The Kiss

Chapter 11 – The Kiss

The next day was the last day of the holidays, and the Hufflepuff common room was still deserted. Sapphire woke up fully determined to change the Severus's mind, and she went down to the Great Hall for breakfast, occasionally saying hello to her friends in other Houses. Almost all the Ravenclaws had stayed for their revisions, and many of them held books in their hands. The Hufflepuff table, however, was almost empty, and she sat by herself to eat. She began concocting a plan to talk to Severus, but she was distracted by a dark brown owl.

"For me?" she asked, and the owl gave a low hoot in reply.

"Thank you," she said, taking the letter from its leg.

She opened it, and saw the sharp handwriting of the Potions Master. She looked up at the professors' table, but Severus sat at his seat, not even looking at her, his expression showing no emotion. Sapphire opened the letter, and began to read.

_Miss Lazarus:_

_I would like to apologize for my rather harsh reaction to what was, I am now certain, sincere advisement of a friend with the best of intentions. You may be pleased to know, I have followed suit on said advisement, and my peace of mind has been the better for it. If you accept my apology, please join me in my office for afternoon tea at 3pm. Please send your reply by this owl. _

_Best,_

_Severus Snape_

Sapphire finished reading, looked up again at Severus, and grinned. He, however, was looking anywhere but at her, his face stoic as ever. She sighed exasperatedly, took out a crumpled quill from her robe, and wrote on the other side of the letter, _Yes._ The owl was fidgeting impatiently, and Sapphire attached the letter quickly back onto its leg.

It was pointless, really, she thought, he could have just told her that face-to-face.

She watched the owl fly out the window, and chuckled. He wouldn't even let the owl fly straight to him. She finished her breakfast, and with a backward glance at Severus, walked out of the Great Hall.

Sapphire and Severus both spent the rest of the morning pacing in their rooms. She tried actually reading a book like she told her family, but she threw it aside after five minutes. He tried straightening his desk, but there was nothing on it after last night. In the end, they just sat, staring at the clock. _Had it always been this slow?_ They both forgot about lunch. At a quarter to three, Sapphire gave an almighty sigh, and left her room. When she knocked at the Potion Master's door, it opened instantly but hesitantly, and Severus stood there, looking unsure.

"Hi, professor." She said first.

"Thank you for coming. I wanted to apologize-" He started, but Sapphire waved it away.

"Never mind. So… tea then? I'm starving."

It was unbelievable how quickly they fell back into comfortable conversation, even more amazing they still had anything to talk about. The tea and partially-eaten sandwiches lay forgotten soon after they started talking. She told him about her family, and he told her about his time at Hogwarts as a student. Neither realized how fast the time was going, until the clock caught Severus's eye.

"It's nine o'clock already!" He said, alarmed. "You'd better get back to your room, Filch is on the warpath after the mess he had to clean up after the Christmas party."

"Thank you, professor, for everything." Sapphire stood on tip-toe, and hugged the tall man.

"Good night," she said softly.

"Good night," Severus replied, never looking away from her eyes.

Sapphire had not stepped a hundred meters from Severus's office when Filch appeared from nowhere.

"Aha!" he exclaimed. "Off to another party?"

"For Merlin's sake, Mr. Filch, you scared me half to death," Sapphire said.

"And what kind of time do you call this?" He shouted, pointing indignantly.

"Very nice for a nighttime stroll, I'd call it, it's a beautiful evening." She replied.

"Oh, cheeky, aren't you? You'll regret that, you will… Out of bed after hours…. You'll come with me to my office, where I'll fill out a report to give to your Head of House!"

"She will do no such thing," Severus said dangerously. He had heard Filch shouting from his office, and came to see if Sapphire was in trouble.

"Miss Lazarus was helping me with a potion for extra credit, and will receive no punishment for it. I simply lost track of time. Off you go, Filch."

Filch looked livid. There was nothing he could do, however, and he skulked off.

"Thank you," Sapphire said. "I thought he was going to eat me."

"Maybe I should walk you to your common room, make sure you don't get into any more trouble." Severus said, smiling.

They walked along the corridors, the torches casting shadows on the stone walls. Their fingers almost touched, and Severus could feel the warmth from her hands. In front of the Hufflepuff common room, Sapphire turned to him.

There was nothing to be said. Looking into each other's eyes, they both knew what they wanted.

Severus and Sapphire leaned into each other simultaneously, and their lips met, on purpose this time.


	13. Chapter 12: Correspondence

Sapphire and Severus did not get to spend any time alone with each other after that night, as classes began and the castle was once again filled with students. New Year's Day passed in a blur, and Hogwarts was as lively as ever. Although they could not get a second alone together, they were happy nonetheless, with stolen glances at mealtimes and in the hallways, and a surreptitious brush of the hand as Severus inspected Sapphire's potion was enough to make their day. They also made do with notes that came with the rest of the morning post, rather than exchanging them in person, so as not to arouse suspicion.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Severus,<em>

_I dreamt of Christmas night yesterday. I saw myself, with my head next your lap, your fingers in my hair. I suppose I made that bit up, or I remembered some part of it subconsciously. Did it really happen? If it did, I am rather upset I wasn't awake for that; it felt very nice in the dream._

_- Sapphire_

* * *

><p><em>Miss Lazarus:<em>

_Yes, that did actually happen. Your hair was quite fine, and I hope you won't mind._

_Best, Severus Snape_

* * *

><p><em>Dear Severus,<em>

_I don't mind you touching my hair, (like I said, I quite enjoyed it) but I do mind you calling it_ just fine_. Maybe you would prefer fluorescent yellow?_

_- Sapphire_

* * *

><p><em>Miss Lazarus:<em>

_The day you dare change your hair colour is the day Hufflepuff loses 394 points._

_Best, Severus Snape_

* * *

><p><em>Dear Professor Snape,<em>

_Liar._

_- Sapphire_

* * *

><p><em>Miss Lazarus:<em>

_Try me. Also: impertinence, as always._

_Best, Severus Snape_

* * *

><p><em>Dear Severus,<em>

_Please tell your favourite student to shove it. Delphinus Malfoy tried to hex me behind my back again today._

_- Sapphire_

* * *

><p><em>Miss Lazarus:<em>

_Mr. Malfoy is currently in the hospital wing recovering from a Bat-Bogey Hex a mysterious someone put on him. Any ideas as to who that might be? At any rate, I hardly think it's professional for a teacher to tell a student to "shove it."_

_Best, Severus Snape_

_P. S. – Mr. Malfoy is not my favorite student._

* * *

><p><em>Dear Severus,<em>

_I do rather pride myself on my Bat-Bogey Hex. Who is your favourite student then?_

_- Sapphire_

* * *

><p><em>Miss Lazarus:<em>

_Wouldn't you like to know._

_Best, Severus Snape_

* * *

><p><em>Dear Severus,<em>

Tell. Me.

_- Sapphire_

* * *

><p>Severus smiled at the impatient writing, got out a piece of parchment, and started to write.<p>

_Miss Lazarus:_

_She's the best in her year at Potions, which was true even before I got to know her better. From seeing Mr. Malfoy's face the other day, I gather she is competent at hexes and other curses. She is kind, strong, and amazingly caring. Guess who my favourite student is._

_Best, Severus Snape_

He looked at his note unsurely, sealed it, and sent it off on his owl before he could change his mind.

The next day, Sapphire sat at the Hufflepuff table eagerly waiting for her morning post. When the familiar owl dropped off Severus's note, she beamed at it, and opened the letter. She was re-reading it ecstatically for the twelfth time, imagining Severus's soft, low voice saying the words aloud, when another owl came for her. She was so engrossed in Severus's note that she did not even notice the owl, until it nipped at her knuckles.

"Wha-?" She jerked her head up. The owl hooted indignantly, as if it was not used to being ignored. Sapphire muttered an apology, and quickly removed the letter from its leg. The envelope was made of thick, rich parchment, and there it was, written in purple ink in very loopy handwriting:

* * *

><p><em>Albus Dumbledore<em>

* * *

><p><em>Did he know?<em>

Sapphire glanced up at the professors' table. Severus was looking at her, smiling hesitantly. Dumbledore was reading the Daily Prophet. Sapphire gave a quick, reassuring wink to Severus, and opened the envelope with nervous fingers.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Miss Lazarus,<em>

_I would be very much honoured if you would join me in my office for a chat after class today at 7 o'clock._

_Yours,_

_Albus Dumbledore_


	14. Chapter 13: Inside the Headmaster's Offi

Chapter 13 – Inside the Headmaster's Office

When Sapphire reached the headmaster's office, the gargoyle let her through as if it had been expecting her. She stepped inside, and saw Dumbledore sitting calmly at his desk. His gaze, though not cold or unkind, told her that he knew everything. Her heart was beating so hard she could hear it, and she walked over to him with wobbly knees. Dumbledore smiled, and said, "Please sit down, Sapphire." She sat.

"I'm sure you know why I wished to speak to you."

"Yes." Sapphire's voice came out breathy, and she cleared her throat.

"Before I speak, however, I must know the entire truth of what has happened between you and Professor Snape."

At the sound of Severus's name, tears sprang to Sapphire's eyes, but she cleared her throat once more, and told their story from beginning to end.

"He's so good, and so kind, I couldn't help it. I'm good for him too, you know, I help him. What we do for each other, it's got more to do with who we _are_, than what we feel romantically. Yes, I do feel those things, but you can't blame the bird for loving the sky, any more you can blame me for loving-"

Sapphire gasped, and stopped herself. She had never said that she loved him, not even to herself. She didn't even know. Dumbledore sighed, and spoke.

"He has told you about what he has to do."

"Yes. But-"

"He has sworn to protect Harry Potter. Lord Voldemort _will_ rise again, and Severus's task in the years to come is crucial in the upcoming war."

"Harry Potter is only a baby… It will be years until Severus will have to fight."

"Years, during which if he turns his back on the boy, the fate of the wizarding world is as good as doomed."

At this, Sapphire's heart dropped to her stomach as she realized what Dumbledore was saying.

"Severus protects Harry Potter because he loved his mother." She said slowly, trying to delay the inevitable moment, when one of them would say what had to be done.

"Yes." Dumbledore said, with something like pity in his eyes.

"In order for Severus to keep on protecting him, he has to be…"

"In love with Lily Potter, yes." Dumbledore said.

She could hold her tears back no longer

"I'm not here to be scolded for liking a teacher, am I?" Sapphire asked.

"No." Dumbledore replied.

Her breath came in sobs. If she had to plead, she would.

"Please, professor, he won't break his promise. Just let us…"

"I won't let you do, or forbid you from doing, anything. This is your decision, Sapphire."

""What about Severus? Doesn't he get a say in this?"

"He has already given his word, and as you said, I trust that he won't break it. He will protect Harry. If he holds another in his heart, however, I cannot count on him to do all that needs to be done."

"I love him." Sapphire said, her last weapon.

"I understand. How painful this is."

"I think… I think he might be falling in love with me, too."

"Which is why we are here."

And they sat there, Dumbldore gazing at Sapphire with his piercing eyes. Sapphire waited for her tears to stop. When they wouldn't, she rose from her chair.

"I understand, professor."

"I trusted you would. Good night, Sapphire."

Sapphire exited Dumbledore's office, and went into a bathroom. She splashed cold water on her face to erase any sign of crying, but there was nothing she could, or rather, would do, about her red nose or puffy eyes.

She walked slowly back to Hufflepuff House. She sat at the common room, staring into the fire. For hours she tried to work up the nerve to do what she had to do.

To fool everyone.

To lie to them.

To _him._


	15. Chapter 14: The Lies, a Truth

The common room became completely empty by eleven o'clock, as most Hufflepuffs went to bed early. Sapphire walked over to the fire, and took a pinch of Floo powder from the mantelpiece. The fires were controlled that students wouldn't be able to leave Hogwarts by the Floo Network without permission, but they were allowed to use it to call home. She threw the powder in the fire, which instantly became green. She stuck her head in, and said, "Ottery St. Catchpole, Lazarus Residence."

She looked around. She was hoping her father would still be up reading, and he was. Mr. Lazarus was sitting close to the fire, and looked pleasantly surprised. Upon seeing her expression, however, his own expression darkened in turn.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" He asked.

"Nothing for you to worry about… Where's mum?"

"She's getting ready for bed upstairs. Shall I go get her?"

"No, I'd rather talk to you."

"Fire away then, my darling."

"Dad… I think… I want to leave Hogwarts."

"What? Is this about the N.E.W.T.s?"

"No, no… It's just… What's the point? I'm stuck here, day in, day out, learning things that I'm not sure I'll even use in real life. I want to see the world, meet new people, and at this rate, I'll be a miserable grown-up working at some menial desk job in Gringotts or something."

"I work at Gringotts," Mr. Lazarus said, his tone faking offense, trying to lighten the mood.

"Yeah, but you're a curse-breaker, not exactly a desk job. The point is, I feel trapped here, Dad."

"Everyone feels that way from time to time, but do you really want to leave Hogwarts? Your sisters and cousins? Your friends?"

"They'll be fine without me. I've never been the center of anyone's existence." Sapphire said dryly.

"Is that it? Do you feel left out?" Mr. Lazarus said with worry.

"No, it's that… There's no one that really needs me here. Nothing keeping me here."

_Except him. _The thought wrenched at her gut, but she kept her face straight.

"So where do you want to go, if you don't want to be at Hogwarts?" Mr. Lazarus asked.

Fortunately, Sapphire was ready. During the hours sitting in the common room, something on the notice board had caught her eye. The brightly-coloured brochure said in large letters, "Salem Witches' Institute - Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry Exchange Student Program." She handed the piece of parchment to her father. He bent down to get it from the fireplace, and began to read.

"You want to go to… America?" he asked, puzzled.

"Yes, I've always wanted to go," Sapphire said with as much excitement as she could muster. "I've had it with all the Ancient Runes and History of Magic, I want something new!"

"There's time for all that when you graduate," Mr. Lazarus said.

"But I'm not happy at Hogwarts anymore, so what's the point in staying? I could leave after graduating, but why wait until then? I _want_ to go." Sapphire couldn't believe she could still cry, but the tears came anyway. Mr. Lazarus, however, mistook their cause as her unhappiness at Hogwarts. He took a deep breath, and spoke.

"I'll have to discuss this with your mother, but I understand your wishes."

"Thank you, Dad."

"Go to sleep now, you still have to go to class in the morning."

"Bye." And with that, she withdrew her head from the fire and rose.

She knew her mother would be hard to convince, but her father could do it. He never refused anything his daughter wanted, and Mrs. Lazarus never refused anything her husband wanted.

* * *

><p>Sapphire lay in bed, wide awake. When the morning came, she willed herself to rise, to dress, to walk up to the Great Hall. It was all she could do not to run into Severus's arms when she saw him. When he saw her face, he rose from his chair, and strode over to her before she could do anything. Never out of character, however, the Potion Master said to her coolly, "Miss Lazarus, a word." As they walked out, the other students looked like they were glad they weren't in her shoes. Only Dumbledore eyed them carefully.<p>

They walked wordlessly to his office. When they got there, he closed the door and spun around to her. He took her face in his hands, and asked worriedly, "What's wrong?"

Sapphire made herself flinch away from his touch. Severus looked confused.

"I… I'm leaving Hogwarts."

"What?"

"There's an exchange student program to Salem, and I want to go. And… I… I won't be coming back."

Severus and Sapphire were never ones to drag out a conversation. He asked why. She told him the same lie. Before she finished, however, she felt a presence, a tug at the back of her mind.

"Don't _do_ that," she said.

Even with everything on her mind, she shut off all emotion. It made what she had to do easier. No feelings of sadness, injustice, love – she would save those for later.

"You're lying." Severus said, his voice soft.

"I'm not." Sapphire said, trying to make her voice venomous.

Now it was his turn to plead.

"Please stay. I want you to stay. I…"

"You _what_, Severus? What did you think would happen?" Sapphire's voice became steely as she readied herself to say the worst thing she possibly could. "We'd fall in love, get married? Did you think I'd fight alongside you, protecting the son of your precious Lily Evans?"

Severus gasped as if stung.

"You're not leaving Hogwarts. You're leaving me." He said in realization.

"I realized you'd never be whole: Your very existence is promised away in her memory. I won't stay with you to just to stave off your nightmares. It's not enough to keep me here. _You're_ not enough."

She couldn't hold herself together anymore. Severus looked so hurt, so broken, that she wanted to hold him in her arms. She turned away from him.

"Goodbye, Professor Snape." She said, and they both knew it was over.

She wouldn't stay, and he would never take her back.

* * *

><p>She left his office, and walked back to the Hufflepuff dormitory. All of her classmates were in class, but she couldn't care less. When she walked into the empty common room, she finally broke down. She collapsed on an overstuffed chair and started sobbing. Her tear ducts were dry at last, however, and nothing came from her eyes. Her dry sobs muffled the headmaster's footsteps, and she was startled when he said, "Thank you."<p>

She looked up from her arms, and there stood Dumbledore, looking sympathetic.

"You have done the wizarding world a great service, Sapphire, by making this sacrifice."

_It would be much easier to hate him_, she thought, but she couldn't, hearing the truth and pain behind his words.

"Your father has sent an owl of your wishes to go to Salem. I have already written to the Headmistress, and you will be able to start as soon as after the spring break. If you wish, however, you will be allowed to return home until then."

"Okay." Sapphire said.

Dumbledore looked at her limp form, as if he knew that there were no words to comfort her. With a soft sigh, he left the Hufflepuff common room. When he returned to his office, the fire was glowing green, and a large man with brown hair said, "Ah, Dumbledore, you're here. Finally." The man called a woman to the fire.

"Hello, Dumbledore," said the headmistress of Salem Witches' Institute. Her blond hair was in a disheveled bun, and she did not look happy.

"Good morning, Samantha." Dumbledore replied.

"Not really. It's three a.m. here." She shot back.

"I am terribly sorry, but it is rather a pressing matter. I trust Fawkes got my letter to you?"

"Yes."

"I would like for her to start as soon as possible, if that's all right with you."

"Dumbledore, I don't really feel comfortable having a Hogwarts student here. Not that I don't trust you, but-"

"I can assure you she is not a spy for Hogwarts. You can have no doubt that I respect Salem Institute's privacy and its secrets, and at any rate, she will stay there for the rest of her education, where I think you will win her allegiance."

"And why are we doing this whole 'exchange student program' cover, anyway?"

"It was a hard decision for her to make; I wanted to ease her into it."

"So Salem's getting a girl that you don't want at Hogwarts, who doesn't want to be at Salem?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

"She will come around once she gets there; she demonstrates her house characteristics superbly in that respect. You'll never find anyone as positive as her. She is a bit under the weather at the moment, but I daresay the New England breeze will work its magic in time."

"Well, I do owe you for that time at the International Confederation of Wizards… All right. She can come."

"Excellent," Dumbledore said. "I'll let you get back to bed, Samantha."

"Yeah, yeah." The witch grumbled, and walked out from her fire.

* * *

><p>In the meantime, Sapphire Lazarus was walking around the castle, saying goodbye to the school. The Fat Friar gave her an icy hug, and Peeves threw a custard at her that she caught and ate. After saying goodbye, she went back to her dormitory and packed. She threw everything in her trunk and didn't realize she was done until her hands scraped the bottom of her drawers. She hauled her things to the grounds where Hagrid was there to take her to the train station.<p>

"All right, Sapphire?" Hagrid said.

"Yeah, thanks, Hagrid." Sapphire replied.

They walked silently to the gates, and Sapphire was grateful that Hagrid was considerate enough not to ask questions. As she looked across the grounds, she saw the Whomping Willow and gave it a silent farewell. Then her eyes traveled to their tree. She thought of the time she went there the day Malfoy had called her a Mudblood, and how he came, the time she found him shivering in the cold, and they shared a Chocolate Frog…

"Hagrid, can you wait for me here for a second?" She asked.

"Eh? Well, I s'pose… The train's not gonna be here for another hour and a half, why not?"

Sapphire ran over to their tree. She knew she shouldn't. That it might ruin everything. But she couldn't leave without any trace of her love. She would never speak to him again. He would go back to being the tortured man, with his nightmares of Lily Potter. But at least, at some tiny part of Hogwarts, there would be proof that she and Severus loved each other, even for a short time.

_Because we did,_ she thought, as she pulled out her wand.

As she waved her wand in the air, words formed at the bark of the tree. Not too deep so that it was obvious, but legible if one were to look at it closely.

_I will always care._


	16. Epilogue: Fourteen Years Later

_Severus Snape goes to the Shrieking Shack, where Lord Voldemort is waiting for him. The Battle of Hogwarts rages on, tearing down his home. He passes the tree that used to remind him of a girl, the tree he has never set foot near since she left. But now only Lily Evans fills his mind as he walks to his death._

* * *

><p>Harry Potter sat alone after Severus Snape's funeral. Although he had told everyone of Snape's true allegiance, apart from a Ministry official, some professors, and what was left of the Order, no one quite yet felt like mourning the man they believed was a Death Eater for years, especially when so many of their own were dead. Everyone left soon after they came, and Harry was sitting alone across from Snape's body when he heard someone coming. He turned around and saw a woman standing at the entrance. She had dark brown hair, and looked to be in her late twenties. Silent tears were flowing from her eyes, and she looked as if she could barely stand. She did not even notice Harry as she ran to Severus Snape's body. Her knees gave way as she finally laid eyes on him and gasped, as if she had not been able to believe his death before.<p>

"I'm so sorry, Severus… I'm so sorry…" she kept repeating, kissing his cold lips. She spoke with a slight American accent, and Harry could not help but wonder who she was, the woman who was crying for the man hated by almost everyone in the wizarding world. She walked over to Harry and sat down next to him, tears still flowing down her face.

"We meet at last, Harry Potter," she said.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?" Harry asked.

"No, but everyone knows you." She replied with a teary chuckle.

After a long pause, she said, "You know what he did for you."

"Yes. Did you know him?" he asked.

"He was the greatest man I ever knew," she said. She walked over to Severus Snape, gave him a final kiss, and left, without any explanation or trace that she was ever there.


End file.
